A recent post by Mark Liberman at Language Log showcased the following fine spam comment:
1. What a data of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious knowledge on the topic of unexpected emotions.
It reminded me of one in my own collection (yes, I have a collection):
2. What a stuff of un-ambiguity and preserveness of valuable experience regarding unpredicted emotions.
The parallels are blatant, and confirm my supposition that spammers (or the algorithms they employ) often use thesauruses to auto-replace words and generate variation, if only superficial, perhaps the better to avoid being blocked. Here’s another congruent pair:
3. This could be an individual specific of the most beneficial blogs We have at any time arrive across on this matter. Truly Magnificent. I am also a specialist in this topic so I can recognize your complicated operate.
4. This could be one particular specific of the most helpful weblogs We have ever before arrive across on this matter. Really Spectacular. I am also a expert in this matter so I can figure out your tricky deliver the results.
And a shorter couple with a less obvious overlap:
5. Utterly written content , regards for entropy.
6. Respect to author , some superb entropy.
Some superb entropy, indeed.
My blog’s Akismet filter has caught almost 500,000 spam comments to date. Sometimes I trawl through them (because it snags the occasional genuine comment), and I copy the more interesting examples of real spam, be their point of attraction lexical, syntactic, or surreal.
On the off-chance that you get the same kind of perverse pleasure out of reading this bizarre material, I’m posting a selection of my favourites here, with a few interspersed notes. Typos, screamer extravagances and other anomalies remain unchanged.
7. Fulgurous article, I suppose it is one of the prizewinning I’ve ever seen
Fulgurous is a real word that means resembling or charged with lightning, or emitting flashes thereof. But its currency in non-specialist contexts is pretty low. I suspect thesaurus use again.
8. This web site is my breathing in, really superb pattern and perfect subject material .
Breathing in presumably auto-replaced inspiration.
9. I am truly impressed there’s a lot of about this subject which was revealed and also did it so nicely, with considerably class. Splendid one, man!
Splendid one, man! might appear like a plausible human phrase to a computer program, but I’d be surprised if it were used much – if ever – in real life by native speakers. It’s a bit of an awkward register mix, like “How do you do, dude.”
10. Continue!!!! All the items you’ve got carried out are amazing!! You are producing our purposes pleased!!!
11. You must carry on the composing. Far more than likely, you do have a exceptional readers’ foundation currently!
12. Your writing is just so special and I can’t even consider of an adjective that may best describe your post on Piano Bench For Sale. Keep up the good job.
(#12 from username “Piano Bench For Sale”.)
13. My dear rewards! an exceptional piece of writing boy. Appreciate it Having said that Im encountering topic with the help of third google . Use?longer learn the reasons why Unable to check out that.
14. Its like women and men aren’t fascinated until it’s something to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your individual stuffs excellent. All the time handle it up!
15. I hope you do not ever cease! This is among the ideal blogs Ive at any time examine. Youve got some mad skill right here, guy. I just hope that you dont shed your style. Remember to retain it up because the online needs someone like you spreading the phrase.
I like those faux-casual uses of guy, boy, man. But it makes me wonder if spam is ever, or just much more rarely, addressed explicitly to females. I doubt my gender has been recognised and taken into account.
Lest you think it’s all praise and plámás:
16. Hello, you used to write excellent, but the last few posts have been kinda boring.
17. You’re the worst author louis vuitton handbags
18. The very next time Someone said your site, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me just as much as that one. I am talking about, Yes, it was my replacement for read, on the other hand actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a lot of whining about something you could fix in the event you werent too busy seeking attention.
The latter was on a dry, technical discussion of parallelism, by the way.
Some spam is surprisingly lucid:
19. Are sex toys considered a hobby expense for IRS deduction purposes?
20. Remember to pre-heat your oven for at least 1 hour. Put bread on the paddle before mixing toppings upon it.
And even evocative:
21. The men exercised hard, riding a stationary bike until they could go no further.
22. Both boys and girls feel the impact of just a moment’s pleasure, for the rest of their lives.
But then there’s the other extreme:
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24. Slow down! I don’t care where we go as long as we don’t have to stand in line.15 divided by3 equals 5.You’re suffering from an allergy? Congratulations! Why don’t I pick you up at your house? See you. I have a large collection of CDs. I’m home. It’s not his work that bothers me; it’s his attitude
Two cases of glorious overstatement:
25. I must show some appreciation to this writer just for bailing me out of this particular predicament. Right after looking through the internet and obtaining opinions which were not beneficial, I assumed my life was gone. Being alive without the presence of strategies to the difficulties you have solved all through your good post is a serious case, and the ones that would have badly affected my entire career if I had not encountered your site. Your actual training and kindness in playing with every item was very useful. It’s possible to now look ahead to my future. I will not be reluctant to propose your web sites to any person who requires guide about this subject.
26. I precisely had to appreciate you again. I do not know the things that I would’ve gone through without the advice contributed by you over such field. It had become a very traumatic issue for me, however , spending time with a new well-written approach you managed the issue took me to jump for delight. Most probably you haven’t got to know all of us.
Occasionally, spam refers to third parties by their first name, maybe to feign authenticity:
27. Betty delights in working on internet research and it’s really obvious why. Almost all notice all about the lively way you render valuable tips and hints on your web site and therefore welcome contribution from other people about this point then my princess has been becoming educated a lot.
28. I am only commenting to let you understand what a fabulous experience my wife’s girl went through reading the blog. She mastered a lot of pieces, with the inclusion of how it is like to possess a great helping nature to make many people without problems master a number of grueling matters. You actually surpassed our desires. Thanks for producing the powerful, trusted, educational and in addition easy tips on this topic to Emily.
(#28 was from a sunglasses company.)
Or there may be other personal touches, like being bought breakfast:
29. An impressive share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing a little analysis on this. And he in fact bought me breakfast because I found it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this.
A few random gems, with notable style or word choice:
30. Galore thanks for making the effort to plow this, I property strongly near this and equivalent studying a eager spate writer on this topic. If gettable, as you rise knowledge, would you intelligence updating your webpage with a high mess solon info? It’s rattling beneficial for me.
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32. Her accolades include a certification as a cuspid tantric massage Practitioner and qualified practitioners are trained in canine soma and limited techniques. Like many abominable atmospheric condition involving the torso’s soft tissues, nerve yourself, but there are situations when you should avoid animal foot tantric massage or drill with caution.
Cuspid refers to a one-pointed tooth, as in a canine. I can’t decide whether a cuspid tantric massage practitioner would massage such a tooth, or use it to massage.
33. Do you have a spam problem on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your situation; many of us have developed some nice procedures and we are looking to exchange methods with other folks, be sure to shoot me an email if interested.
Now that you mention it…
And finally this peculiar list, which I reproduce in the order and format I received it:
september 11 synonym
My dear rewards! What a rattling beneficial stuff of un-ambiguity that is galore producing my purposes pleased. Wouldn’t you say?
Another “fragment of aleatoric sub-poetry” from Mark Liberman at Language Log, who nonetheless is puzzled about the generally poor quality of spam.
Also at Language Log, Ben Zimmer shows how spammers’ spinning software enables the automation of quasi-synonymy.
In “11 Spam Comments That Look Like Drunk Thesauruses (And Why)”, Arika Okrent at Mental Floss explains some spun spam, including a few of mine.